For the women who are difficult to love

you are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
forget you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn’t you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
prettier
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.

by Warsan Shire
(for more of her work, please click here!)

The Schizophrenic who Painted Cats

Finding Louis Wain has been my "You Are Not Alone" of the week. 

Louis Wain's deeply fascinating life and resulting body of work provide a surprisingly intimate view into the perceptions of the schizophrenic mind.  Remember, he lived between 1860 and 1939, in an era when the study of psychiatry was in its infancy. However, watching the progress of his life's work is to watch the process and "degeneration" of the mind that results from this "chronic mental disorder."

His early work is remarkably realistic.  Whimsical., creative, and fun, yes, and, to a point, these are "realistic" cats... or, at least, recognizable as cats by the average child.  Since childrens' books show cats behaving as human beings, I won't say that "furry art" is strange. In addition, "Reynard the Fox" appeared in English literature in 1481, so I can't even claim that Louis Wain invented this.

Above: "Katzenklub" by Louis Wain

According to the website End of the Game, "Wain was always fascinated by cats, but when his wife was diagnosed with cancer, he started drawing them in silly situations to amuse her. His drawings grew in popularity and were featured on greeting cards and in magazines and newspapers. Life was good, that is until his wife died of said cancer and he started to lose control of his mind."

Above: "Snow" by Louis Wain

Current research shows that a schizophrenic usually doesn't truly "loose their mind" because of a specific incident.  It's a more reasonable guess that Louis' earliest symptoms begin manifesting in adolescence. According to the Mayo Clinic, "In men, schizophrenia symptoms typically start in the teens or 20s. In women, schizophrenia symptoms typically begin in the 20s or early 30s. It's uncommon for children to be diagnosed with schizophrenia and rare for those older than 45."

Put bluntly, by 45, the symptoms have become noticeable a long time ago.  These days, if you're a schizophrenic, I'd really like to hope somebody has noticed and begun to get you the help you need before age 45.  Given how much more bearable life can be with the right mix of lifestyle changes and good meds, I'd like to hope anybody with this could get help as soon as possible.  However, this was a different era, so Louis wasn't actually diagnosed until 57.   The chances that there was an "onset of his disease at 57," are highly unlikely.  Looking at the work that was created before that diagnosis, I feel it's possible, even easy, to see beginning to show that slow slide long before he was actually diagnosed.

Above: "Katzen 1" by Louis Wain
Below: Louis Wain's images as they are frequently presented in psychology text books.

This is the point where psychologists become interested, and both psychology textbooks and the internet abound with images of Louis Wain's "schizophrenic cats."  Popular history tells us that he believed he was just painting cats until the end of his life.  End of the Game's article, "Schizophrenic Cats," is a good, short read, even if I feel their understanding of schizophrenia is limited.

It's been so wonderful to look at the world that through the eyes of Louis Wain. What he left behind feels like a note from the universe telling me, "You aren't the first person to feel this way, and you won't be the last. He looked into the void and saw this.  Imagine what you can do."

Upcoming Show: Rochester Erotic Arts Festival (REAF)

Above: "Wrapped." by Portia St. Luke 2003. (Pen and ink.)
One of the pieces invited to be displayed at the Rochester Erotic Arts Festival

The good news is that I've been invited to have three pieces displayed at the Rochester Erotic Arts Festival (April 5-6, Rochester, NY). This international juried exhibition, now in its fourth year, seeks out “high quality original works that are creative, erotic and thought-provoking.”

I loved being part of the experience last year, and I loved reading this reviewer's take on last year's exhibit.

The pieces that are selected for the coming exhibit include "Astarte," "AutumnFairy," and “Wrapped.”  My deepest gratitude to Graeme Fletcher for his help and “hand-holding” in what was a very intimidating process. His experience in the art world and consummate professionalism were invaluable. I couldn't have done this without him.

Do you want to be part of the party? The "Hotel REAF discount" is available through March 25th for $109 per night, plus state and local taxes (currently 14%). [Click here for more information.]

Even if you are not near the Rochester, NY area, and have no way to be able to make it to this festival, virtual hugs to all of you who sent love and great advice. I read through all of it (even if I did not respond to each one individually.) The encouragement I've received from the community here has really allowed me to have the confidence to try taking my work as, specifically, as an erotic artist to another level, and I'm grateful to each of you who has played part in that.

The Gospel of Thomas

When you click on the links in the article, they brings you to transcripts of both "the Gospel" and "The Acts" of Thomas.  The gospel isn't really much longer than a pamphlet, and the entire "Acts of" wouldn't stretch longer than a novella. Given the amount of trouble and controversy this legendary Gnostic text has generated across the last 2000+ years, it seems to me to be fairly light reading.

The Kingdom of God is within You - Luke17:21: The Gospel of Thomas in Aramaic / Syriac, 37 AD

Artist to watch out for: Boris Indrikov

Art Deco is revisited with new eyes through the hand Russian illustrator of Boris Indrikov.  Hauntingly psychological, Indrikov blends almost architectural design elements that made Art Deco what it was (Math + Geometry meet nature) with Russian folklore, and finishes it off with a delightful kiss of the erotic and the sensual.

Above: Indrikoff, Boris. The Premonition 

2012. Oil on canvas. 80 x 100 cm.

Blessed Solstice, my friends!

Above: St Luke, Portia. Holly King Oak King. 

2010. Ink on tinted paper highlighted in white. 

Original Available.

(Also available as a poster or as note cards from Zazzle.)

Fix yourself a cup of hot chocolate while I tell you an old story from my homeland, with piece of artwork from a couple of years ago... 

The tale of the Holly King and the Oak King is a timeless myth with origins that run throughout the British Isles.  The Holly King was believed to be crowned every year on the Summer Solstice, only to cede the throne every year come the Winter Solstice to the young Oak King. The Oak King takes his rightful place, knowing he, too, will have to relinquish that same throne in his time.  So it is that the seasons turn, winter to summer and back again.

Our deepest fear

is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

-Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on a Course in Miracles, (ch. 7. sec. 3)
(Often attributed to Nelson Mandela)